There are a million stories and cartoons out there from the perspective of both technical departments and their users making fun of each other. I’m going to add some more to the pile, from the perspective of the technical department in a commercial broadcast operation.
The following is a ‘fictional’ conversation, with each statement ‘translated’ to what we might assume the actual meaning was. I’m sure we have all had conversations like this, where we are very properly polite with one another but behind the words…
Please be aware, you may encounter the occasional profane thought.
Program Director/Manager will be referred to from here on as ‘PD’
The Technical department representative will be referred to as ‘Techie’
PD — “Hey dude…so I’m thinking the speakers we have for promotional events here just don’t have a big enough sound
Translation — I’m feeling a bit insecure and I need to prove to people that I am dynamic, creative, and filled with good ideas…plus I want to be annoyingly loud at these events
Techie — “well, those speakers aren’t exactly intended to have a big sound…they are used mainly for background audio and some basic public addressing at our events. They were an affordable compromise for the handful of times we need a P.A. system”
Translation — You’re trying to sound like you are full of good ideas, but you are comparing apples to oranges. Fail.
PD — “Do we have anything bigger? What can we do for this?”
Translation — I won’t come right out and say we should be buying more speakers, but we should be buying more speakers
Techie — “We’ve got nothing bigger unfortunately. We are a radio broadcast company, not an A/V outfit, so it just isn’t something the company has been interested in spending a lot of money on in the past. We could rent some for specific events, it is more cost effective really.”
Translation — You know full well we don’t have anything else. I’m not going to volunteer to put this in the budget. Just say it plainly. For the half dozen times a year you want big sound, we could rent for a pittance compared to buying a heavy system
PD — “I really think we need something with bigger sound, more presence, something we will have available at a moments notice. You know how dynamic this business is. Can we look into this?”
Translation — I’m not ready to let this go, and I just want you to take care of it, then I can take credit for it because I had the idea but you will be asking for the money. I don’t really want to rent, I want them available anytime depending on what slapdash scheme we come up with in the moment.
Techie — “Well, that is up to you, you will need to take this to the GM, it would probably be an operating expense though you might get lucky and sneak it into the capital budget”
Translation — Do what you want, I’m not going to be on the hook asking money for these. Go ahead, see if the GM wants another 2–3k in their operating budget
PD — “It is ridiculous that we don’t have better audio systems for this type of thing”
Translation — I’m trying to shame you into coming onboard with me on this idea
Techie — “We aren’t an A/V company, we are a broadcasting company. We are always going to need to make choices when it comes to what we spend money on based on what is most important”
Translation — I don’t give a crap if you are trying to make me feel bad. And if we could spend whatever we wanted, I would have a $50k minicomputer in the basement just to play games on during lunch. I’m just trying to be a little fiscally responsible here. I’m sure in the end I will be demonized for it.
PD — “I will talk to the GM and see if we can make this happen. We need to ramp up our game here”
Translation — I’m not letting this go. I think you are just being difficult to make me frustrated because we don’t see eye to eye. I need to be seen making changes and improvements so they continue to see me as valuable, even if the changes don’t improve things much
Techie — “Hey, go for it. I’m not saying it isn’t a good idea. I’m not the guy who makes the purchasing decisions anyway. If we get a green light on it, we will order the stuff for you ASAP”
Translation — F**k off. It’s a mediocre idea that won’t impact things very much and money is tighter right now. I hope you don’t get a ‘green light’ but you probably will because you are a good talker and you have the GM’s ear, so I am adding this part about ordering right away so I don’t sound like an obstructionist.
PD — “Cool man, thanks for that. I will get the ball rolling on things.”
Translation — Thanks for nothing, getting you to agree to anything is like pulling teeth you grumpy tech clown. I’m making this happen, if for no other reason than to see you order the equipment for my idea
Techie — “No worries man.”
Translation — Get bent.
